How to be Great
I recently saw this video and have not stopped thinking about it. Watch and we will talk about it.
Who we are is a system of the people and identities we place around us. We live and die by these systems.
Let’s imagine you are a spider on a web. The web is your connection with all the system pieces you have in place. If you have one connection piece, your web will not stay up. You will not be able to catch anything and will starve. The more connections you make for your web the easier it is for you to know it’s resilient and will help you survive.
The single strand will not catch you much. Imagine this single strand gets cut, the wind blows and you fall because of your single point. This isn’t a healthy way to live.
Now imagine all the connections you could have in your life. Friends, family, job, coworkers, sports teams, religious groups, book clubs, gym buddies, etc.
The community feeling you have impacted the strength of this web. Yes, I brought up Adler AGAIN because it’s IN EVERYTHING!
When we surround ourselves with people where we can be our true selves, we will be free to take more risks and be “freer” human. We gain more perspectives and can ask more than 1 person for their opinion.
Having one or two friends you can get deep with is great although it can get you into trouble. If those two have the same opinion about what you should do in a situation and you feel otherwise, you may end up making a choice you did not want to. Diversity of thought is important.
I was watching a political video and it was 3 vs 1 on a commentary/debate. It was a rare time I connected something I learned in school with the real world.
I LOVE it when this happens!
If you are brave enough here is the clip (~4:00-20:00). I will also note, that if you objectively listen (I am not a fan of anyone in this video, politics are toxic lately), You will see 3 people telling 1 person, no you are crazy. This is the point I want to illustrate.
The phenomenon I observed was the Solomon Asch Conformity study.
If you want a more cartoony version… here ya go.
This study is important because if you surround yourself with a small group, the chances of being the only one to think a given way are high. This could lead you to resist for a while and eventually think the same way as the rest of the group.
Parents care so much about who their kids spend time with for this reason. If kids are social they will likely see diversity of thought. If the kids stick with a few, there is a chance they will mold in with that group for better or worse.
Concerning the debate clip, if you find yourself being ganged up on, you will eventually doubt yourself enough to let the dominant perspective sway you. This becomes somewhat of a black mold that is hard to exterminate if that perspective ends up being toxic. Think of the people who get sucked into family-ending conspiracy theories.
Your web can help you stay safe. Misbelief is an incredible book illustrating what happens when your web fails you.
I am sure you are thinking:
“Great, I understand having more connections to the outside world is beneficial, community is important. THANKS ADLER!
BUT, what does this have to do with the first video and figuring out who I am without all these connections?
If I have that great community and connections, why do I need to know who I am without them?”
This is why my piece is titled “How to be Great”.
With that great spider web, you are good. You are likely pretty resilient, you can catch food and keep yourself alive, and life will be good.
What happens when the connections start to go away?
Maybe you lose your job and money becomes tight or you lose both parents in one month.
Your web will still be up, yet it will be much more fragile.
What if a metaphorical hurricane comes through and takes everything out?
Can you survive?
Understanding who you are without these connectors is like being a web spider that can also hunt like a wolf spider. If your world comes crashing down you don’t NEED it to survive.
Will you struggle?
Oh yeah! However, you know you can survive and rebuild.
Another interesting point is if you can hunt you don’t NEED the web. That means you don’t need to force yourself to build a web. Life opens up when you are comfortable in your skin. Just because you can hunt also doesn’t mean you have to.
The key is to be flexible and adaptable. Life throws way too many curveballs.
Have you ever done something out of need as opposed to want?
They say the best time to look for a new job is when you don’t NEED one. You are more relaxed and flexible.
When a team doesn’t NEED to win they play more relaxed and often far better. It’s why we see poor-performing sports teams do better when they are eliminated from playoffs. They play relaxed.
You can make these connections and create a more lush world for yourself when you DON’T NEED the support.
To go back to the original premise of the invisible ledger, when you build up credits you have the flexibility to spend them more freely.
The other crazy part is, that if you have a great web, you likely will never need to know how to hunt. You may never need to know who you are without all these pieces… until you get older.
When we get older, these connections change. Your kids don’t need you like they used to, you retire from a job, and your parents likely leave this world.
Your web becomes fragile just by living. If you learn to hunt early, future you may be very grateful. You can continue to thrive even when the natural progression of age occurs.
Think about it.
Process it.
Consider where you are at!
I’ll leave you with two of my favorite people chatting about interesting things. Here is a link to the full video and below is one of the best clips. It should be pretty obvious why.
Until next time: